The locus of my integrated treatment in the Cultivating Love book series is based on the 7 Core Areas, which is extracted from the New Testament scripture where the Two Greatest Commandments are written, in Luke 10:25 – 37. Decades ago, when I read…
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all
your strength and with all your mind, and, Love your neighbor as yourself.” (TNIV)
…I interpreted there are 7 Core Areas that comprise who we are: We are (1) Spiritual, (2) Cognitive, (3) Emotional, (4) Physical/Biological, and (5) Sexual beings. My interpretation is these five core areas align with the First Greatest Commandment. We’re also (6) Social/Relational and (7) Environmental (change agents for good) beings, which align with the Second Greatest Commandment.
I’ve often thought if I practice and become skilled and proficient with the Two Greatest Commandments, then I’m going to get something right in my thinking, emotions, behaviors, and in the relationships in which I interact. By focusing on the development and growth of targeted characteristics and behaviors related to my 7 Core Areas (which I have often referred to as “rows in my life garden”), I’ve become a better person and a “fruitful” human being due to choosing to live by these virtues and values inferred in this passage of scripture.
Well, as I close out the Cultivating Love book series, allow me to posit a few more thoughts about this verse, it’s origin and hopefully how the practice of what I call “Shema and Blessing principles” embedded in it will assist you to not only cultivate love for your personal benefit, but also how it could help you to…
“Show love to a thousand generations, of those who love me
(God) and keep my commandments” – Exodus 20: 6 (TNIV).
But first, a word about scripture, theology, and terms I use throughout this book: Please take what you could use and leave the rest, but I trust there will be a lot for you to utilize in this book, where biblical and theological principles are integrated with psychological, neurobiological, attachment and developmental psychology research. If you’ve read any of the Cultivating Love books or materials on my blog (Dr. Ken McGill’s Blog), you know I’ll never beat you over the head, nor shame, nor abuse you with the inclusion of scripture in my content. That would be antithetical to Love, wouldn’t it?
As I’ve mentioned to a few people when we spoke about the writing of this book, I shared it is my goal and challenge to write a book that discusses nothing but the positive qualities of my Higher Power, and all that could be experienced in a relationship with a Loving God. It’s my opinion that we need to hear more about God’s love, grace, mercy, compassion, understanding, kindness, gentleness, wisdom and care, especially when we’ve not had some of these traits demonstrated in our upbringing, and these virtues, values and characteristics are vital to our personal development and health in the family systems in which we live and interact.
So, we’re going to keep it positive, because these characteristics are crucial in helping us convert these principles into a positive reality in the core areas of our lives and relationships, especially if you’re like me, and had to grow up learning how to “reparent” yourself with “healthy adult mode behaviors.”
Which brings us to the Shema, where the Two Greatest Commandments originate in scripture, and which is the basis for Cultivating Love: Wisdom for Life.
“Hear O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” – Deuteronomy 6: 4 – 7 (TNIV).
So, what does this passage have to do with Cultivating Love: Wisdom for Life? Well, quite a bit. While practicing as a Psychotherapist for the past thirty plus years, I’ve learned a few things; with the help of one of my favorite researchers, Neo-Freudian Erik Erikson, and since I’m 63 years old and about to enter the final stage of his Psychosocial Developmental model (Ego Integrity vs. Despair, 65+, and the virtue to be cultivated in this stage is Wisdom), I’d like to leave a few thoughts with you about the important role of wisdom in our life.
First, the Shema makes sense to me because it lines up with not only Erikson’s research, but also with the work of Attachment and Attunement theory, in that Attachment theory describes how the development of “secure attachments” are essential for the positive development and well-being of children, adolescents and adults, and the concept of Attunement reflects how we are able to connect with, empathize, understand and validate the experience of others.
The daily practice of helping an infant (and adult in old age) feel safe, seen, soothed and secure, along with demonstrating warmth, genuineness and unconditional positive regard (thank you Carl Rogers) helps people to feel cared for and loved. These behaviors also promote neurological development that a child needs to not only survive and thrive but it increases the possibility they’ll repeat these behaviors that are demonstrated and modeled to them (as Interpersonal Neurobiology reminds us that the cells that fire together wire together!).
To me, practicing these behaviors is the first step toward demonstrating wisdom that will change a life for the better. Just as the artist composes a portrait, one brushstroke at a time on the canvas of life, these wise actions will contribute to a beautiful picture of a life well lived, and a legacy portrait to be left behind when his/her painting days are complete.
The Greek word for Wisdom is Sophia, and the word picture of Wisdom, is of an artist who is using their skill to bring a vision into reality, and the application of their knowledge and skill in life, embedded in the meaning of the word led me to shorten the formal definition of Wisdom to “wisdom is becoming skilled at living, one behavioral brushstroke at a time.”
Second, if we didn’t have the best caregivers in life, or, instead of having good, we had bad, ugly, traumatic, or adverse childhood or life experiences in the family of origin or family of choice we lived in. So, the question I’d like to pose (and answer!) is how, and with what knowledgeable and wise process(es), could we aptly and accurately apply, so we’re able to course correct from what could have been a downward trajectory we were headed toward? Here again, I like the guidance of the Shema, as it encourages me to focus on the development and practice of the Virtue of Love in my life, and I couldn’t agree more.
Specifically, the passage encourages me to not only focus on the characteristic of Love, given to me by my God as I understand God (who I understand to be a gracious and Loving being), but to receive then demonstrate in all my affairs this superlative form of Love, and allow it to permeate every fiber of my 7 Core Areas. This, coupled with the five Blessing Principles authored by Gary Smalley and Dr. John Trent in their book The Blessing, gives hope to my Exiled, Manager and Firefighter parts of my Internal Family System, as my Self becomes all the wiser with the practice of Love as I understand Love.
What is this superlative Love? My research has helped me to understand it is composed of behaviors not limited to but explained by 18 super-rich in nutrition virtues that are practical in nature. They are: Being Loved, Esteemed, Cherished, Respected, Favored, Honored, Accepted, Prized, Relished, Being Devoted to, and reflected in Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control. As inferred in the Shema, who wouldn’t be edified and blessed by a steady diet of these qualities almost 24 hours a day, as suggested in the scripture?
So, the integration of Love into my 7 Core Areas, along with an infusion of what makes for a Wise Person via an integrated journey primarily through the Book of Proverbs, helps me to develop Healthy Adult Mode behaviors to reparent myself with wise and resplendent virtues. These virtues and values function like a compass to guide me to create a healthy Triangle of Well-being within myself, and to experience good interpersonal neurobiology in my affairs with others (thank you Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Bryson!).
Finally, by receiving Love and guidance from my Loving God (the First or “1.0” Commandment), I am edified and empowered to love and reparent myself to live a good, sound, practical and inspired life (the Middle or “1.5” Commandment), which naturally helps me to choose to do the next right thing with others (as I endeavor to fulfill the Second or “2.0” Commandment).
In conclusion, developing and practicing Wisdom in this manner has provided me with an answer to 4 questions I ask people to think about each day:
- Who am I? (Where my morals define which values, virtues and character are part of my identity).
- What’s my purpose? (Where my morals display behavior, I deem helpful and meaningful).
- How shall I live? (Where my morals reflect consistency with helpful, meaningful and productive living).
- What is the legacy I wish to leave behind? (Where my morals reflect behaviors and accomplishments that characterize and depict a helpful and meaningful life that’s well-lived).
This is my aim in writing this final book in the Cultivating Love book series. My hope is to provide you with very practical and integrated insights, strategies, processes and solutions to assist you to cultivate love, as evidenced by the development of wisdom for your life, wisdom you’ll benefit from and will share in your interaction with others.
My thoughts drift to if “each one teaches one,” then we’ll deliver love to a thousand generations in no time at all, and the generation I live in certainly needs major infusions of the superlative kind of Love I’m suggesting to you!
May God richly bless you in your effort to cultivate love and wisdom all the days of your life!
Dr. Ken McGill
July, 2025
drkenmcgill.com 