An excerpt from the book “Cultivating Love: Wisdom for Life” by Dr. Ken McGill 

SECTION ONE: THE BENEFITS OF WISDOM

“In the house of the wise are stores of choice food and oil…” 

“Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” 

Proverbs 21:20 and Proverbs 16:24 (TNIV)

Integrated Wisdom: The Ultimate way to Live!

     Welcome to what you may consider your first “art project!”  Don’t worry, you don’t have to be an artist to participate, nor will you ever be graded for what’s on your canvas, however, in this subsection about Integrated Wisdom, I’d like to present a few wise people whose contribution in life is like the sumptuous bowl of fruit depicted on the canvas created by the artist. 

     To me, these contributors, and I’m only naming a few, have provided nourishment in my Spirit, Mind and Relationships, and I suggest them to you for their nutritious effect to bring strength, life, vitality, peace, connection, and oh yes, wisdom to your life and relationships as they have done to mine. Simply put, they have provided a rich body of material I hope you take within yourself and take to heart and freely distribute to others who need the same nutrition and nourishment as you have once hungered. 

     As you start work on your own canvas, remember:

1. “1.0” focuses on integrating the superlative form of Love from a Loving God to grow your Spirit.
2. “1.5” focuses on you integrating this Love + other forms of Wisdom to Love Your Self.
3. “2.0” focuses on sharing the same Love + Wisdom you’ve grown for Your Self to Others!

A bow to the complex and wonderful people we are (1.0)!

“For you have created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  Search me O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.” – Psalm 139:13 – 14; 23 – 24 (TNIV)

     At the conclusion of Section One, we’re going to look at the 7 Core Areas of your life (Your Spiritual, Cognitive, Emotional, Physical/Biological, Social/Relational and Environmental parts), and how these basic but profound parts of your life help you to create a life and existence that’s hopefully safe, productive, enjoyable and meaningful for you and for others you choose to invite into your life.  

     However, for right now, let’s take a closer look to see understand why “Integrated Wisdom” is so important and vital in your day-to-day functioning, and how integrating wisdom into specific areas of your life could inspire you and become a catalyst for growth, ultimately resulting with you becoming “skilled at living,” (again, which is my shortened definition of Wisdom).  What is Wisdom and what might you want to focus on integrating into your life?  Before I answer, allow me to integrate one more passage of scripture:

“Blessed is the man (or woman) who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding, for she is more profitable that silver and yields better returns than gold.  She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.  Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace.  She is a tree of life to those who embrace her; those who lay hold of her will be blessed.”  – Proverbs 3:13 – 15; 17 – 18 (TNIV). 

Wisdom, the valuable gift from a God who loves us immensely (1.0)!

   Wisdom, as described in the scripture above, is more valuable than material wealth, offering greater returns than gold and silver.  This makes sense to me because at times in my life, I’ve thought if I only had a map that helped me to make it through the day successfully (much less life with all of the complexities and challenges life throws at me), then I’d highly consider that insight very valuable, almost equating it’s importance to the same level as food and water! Why is that so? 

   Well, we are profoundly complex human beings, who think, feel, relate, and yearn to have spoken, unspoken and possibly even unknown personal needs met in our life. Perhaps you may have known there’s something you need, or want, or need to figure out, that could be critical to your functioning, well-being or even survival, but no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t quite put your finger on it or, barely even describe what you’re trying to identify or looking for. You just knew something was missing (inside) or even if you could identify what you needed, like me when I was growing up, you didn’t have had an idea of how to “make the picture in your mind become a reality,” even if you were in the company of well-intentioned family members or friends who offered help.   

   We all have personal needs (I call them “intimacy needs,” and there’s a list of 442 of them in Appendix A),  and perhaps we can identify what the word means on the page, but could describe how to get to the moon better than how to “cultivate” and be nourished and nurtured by the development of intimacy needs like Acceptance, Assurance, Awareness, Belonging, Calmness or Caring to name a few of the “A-B-C’s,” much less how to become Safe, Seen, Soothed and Secure, which are the building blocks of developing peace inside of us and with others with whom we’d like to love and perhaps spend the rest of our lives!

   So Wisdom, personified as a gracious, enlightened, knowledgeable, reassuring and empowering woman, makes herself available to sit with, inform and teach me about life, and how to make good decisions so I can live beyond the confusion, sadness, hurt, anger, devastation, loneliness and illnesses I bring to her. And yes, my immense hunger for what she has to offer means I’ll stand in the “food line” for as long as it takes, because I value the knowledge, sustenance, direction, guidance and heartfelt tenderness I know I need and will receive from her. 

   Why do I value Wisdom and chose to write a book on the subject whose value I hope will far outlive my remaining time on Earth?  Easy.  No brainer. Because as a human being who happens to be a Psychotherapist, I value people and the complex processes, adverse experiences and deep yearning we have in our hearts (that we all have) to figure out how do we live meaningfully and purposefully beyond the abusive, traumatic, grief-stricken, addictive “body blows” to our psyche from yesterday, today and tomorrow?  I’m old school, and the group R.E.M said it best in their song and video “Everybody Hurts” (just watched it). 

   So before I leave this Earth, I’d like to share some practical insights I’ve identified that may help you to:

1. Inform you of values and how the practice of them could inspire, empower and provide hope.
2. Provide insights regarding a new way to listen to, make sense of, and care for your thoughts. 
3. Identify, honor and interpret your emotions and feelings, and make good decisions by them.
4. Understand your body and integrate behaviors to take care of and get the best from your body.
5. Integrate honorable, respectful, and cherished behaviors to enjoy your sexuality!
6. Instill loving and practical processes and behaviors that bless and grow fruitful relationships. 
7. Create compassionate and empowering encounters with others to make the world a better place. 

   It seems like this is a tall order, but believe it or not, I don’t won’t provide this to you.  Wisdom, on the other hand, and your integration of the skills that Wisdom has to offer you will accomplish these simple but profound growth points in your 7 Core Areas (Easter egg!  Spiritual is “1”, Cognitive is “2” and Emotional is “3,” and so on). 

   What will I provide in Cultivating Love: Wisdom for Life?  I’ll provide suggestions via wise people, who, as mentioned in the Introduction of this book, will enlighten you regarding behaviors and processes which could help you per the meaning of the Greek word Sophia, “become skilled in the affairs of life,” where the emphasis will be on the practical application of knowledge that provides edification to you, in both human and divine contexts. So let me close this subsection by focusing on four core parts of who we are and the wise sages who’ll wisdom we’ll integrate in this for the remainder of the book. The areas and sages are: 

1. Integrated Spiritual Wisdom: Benefits from a Loving God (1.0): Spiros Zodhiates; Attachment Theory and Therapy.
2. Integrated Cognitive/Emotional Wisdom: Erikson’s Psychosocial Developmental Model, Positive Psychology, and Internal Family Systems.
3. Integrated Social/Relational Wisdom: Internal Family Systems, Interpersonal Neurobiology. 

   Don’t let the terms intimidate you!  Allow me to introduce them, some of their concepts but I really want you to have and integrate the Wisdom Tools I’ve created to “nourish and strengthen” you in your effort to have Wisdom teach you as she’s done with me.  Ready to paint this reality into the canvas of your life?  Let’s begin!

Thanks for reading this excerpt from Cultivating Love: Wisdom for Life. As time permits, please visit the other blogs written by Dr. Ken McGill: Daily Bread for Life and “3–2- 5–4–24” for additional information that could be helpful.