This Wisdom Tool is designed to be used with information in these posts:

1. Reparenting and Loving Others (2.0) with the Shema, Blessing and 8 C’s of IFS principles
2. Wisdom Tool: 48 strategies to get the most from the 8 C’s of IFS (2.0 – Loving Others version)

Use these 48 strategies in conjunction with the “Reparenting and Loving Others (2.0) with the Shema, Blessing and 8 C’s of IFS principles” (#1 above), and the “Wisdom Tool: 48 strategies (#2 above) to enhance your ability to Reparent yourself via Recalibrated Wisdom.

These strategies are provided to assist the wisest and healthiest part of yourself to recalibrate, “rebirth,” regenerate, reclaim, renew and reward yourself by creating, maintaining and enjoying Earned Secure Attachment and Attunement solutions within yourself!

McGill’s 48 additional strategies to get the most from the 8 C’s of IFS (2.0 behaviors to Love Others)

Consciousness: Realizing its better to be a Wounded Healer vs Unhealed Wounder

1. Know your hot buttons but respond with values to facilitate secure connections.
2. Reflect on how your words and actions impact your partner, shift to the positive!
3. Ask: What is (s)he thinking/feeling right now? What do they want me to know?
4. Before responding in conflict ask: Am I speaking from a place of understanding?
5. Ask: How can I contribute to a healthier, more connected relationship today?
6. Remember, an Awakened Mind works for mutual well-being of self/others!

Care: Your engagement in behaviors to cultivate Empathy and Compassion

1. Ask open ended questions to gain more information about what’s discussed.
2. Be curious, not furious; Ask where it hurts the most and respond tenderly. 
3. Help your partner to work through their thoughts/feelings about the issues.
4. Honor the feelings or content shared and employ reasonable actions for healing.
5. Ask: What reliable, dependable and agreed upon behavior would rebuild trust?
6. Practice behavior to heal trauma, restore harmony and produce secure bonds! 

Current: Employ the 4 H’s of Relationship Repair every 48–72 hours when needed

1. Ask these 4 questions to gain insight and remain current with issues discussed:
2. Is there anything you’d like for me to Hear? (To address versus ignore issues).
3. Is there anything that Hurts right now? (To discuss suffering that’s occurred).
4. Is there anything I could do to Help you? (To unburden loads currently carried).
5. Is there any (within reason) action I could contribute to help you feel Hopeful?
6. Integrate in real time strategies from your 68°-72° Green Zone to help as well!

Choice: Electing to show honor, kindness, and understanding to your Partner

1. Choose to be insightful, reasonable, empathetic, kind and above all else, wise.
2. Regulate yourself so you’re able to understand and honor the viewpoint of others.
3. Consider how your words and actions will impact the mind and spirit of others.
4. Choose to practice virtues that lead you closer to each other versus further apart.
5. Remain patient in your healing processes and only practice 68°-72° behaviors.
6. Choose to see the hurting parts of your partner and render the appropriate response.

Communication: Listening/validating differences and fostering safe connections

1. Discuss painful memories with courage, curiosity, care and compassion! 
2. Take into your mind and heart the credible viewpoints of each other.
3. Ask: What behavior will promote healing rather than harm right now? 
4. Work to soothe hurts and fear, while demonstrating their heart is safe with you.
5. Own your actions and their consequences but commit to make better choices!
6. Use your therapy tools to enhance your ability to create successful outcomes!

Collaboration: Building trust with each other and validating their need for security

1. Focus on developing “Me to We” narratives to create value, love and connection.
2. Envision and practice daily activities that foster unity and growth in the system.
3. Create a balanced and unique response to triggering and conflictual situations.
4. When making decisions involving others, endeavor to reach win-win outcomes.
5. Incorporate Empowering E’s: Effort, Empathy, Equality, Emotional Restitution.
6. Set boundaries with others to protect your emotional well-being! 

Celebration: Honoring presence, expressing gratitude and enjoying connection

1. Acknowledge daily accomplishments and contributions, no matter how small!
2. Compliment each other in real time for the qualities you see demonstrated.
3. Convey helpful messages that build up the soul and spirit and life of others!
4. Celebrate your humanity with forgiveness and growth beyond our imperfection.
5. Celebrate yourself by finding ways to intentionally use your gifts with others!
6. Celebrate your relational progress and growth with a treat, gift, or time together!

Christ: Demonstrating behaviors that reflect a vibrant connection to live wisely

1. Develop and practice Love, the supreme virtue that respects all of humanity.
2. Understand when to employ wisdom to the object of wisdom as you personify it. 
3. Ask “What is the most appropriate behavior I could give to the life of another?”
4. Use your intellect, resources and gifts to alleviate the suffering of others. 
5. Be practical, thoughtful, warm, nurturing, encouraging and kind with others.
6. Stay between the lines and practice Healthy Adult Mode behaviors with others.

Thanks for reading this Wisdom Tool: McGill’s 48 strategies to get the most from the 8 C’s of Internal Family Systems (2.0 – Loving Others version), and for reading this excerpt from Cultivating Love: Wisdom for Life. As time permits, please visit the other blogs written by Dr. Ken McGill: Daily Bread for Life and “3–2- 5–4–24” for additional information that could be helpful.